Hey there readers!
There is a rather new lifestyle magazine on the loose called Just As Beautiful for plus sized women. I'm actually a bit insulted. Where do they get off?! Just as beautiful? Do people really think plus sized women really want to hear that? I love the idea and concept but hate the title. It was the comments left by some people mainly thin women that bothered me most. They said comments like "just lose the weight", fat women are creating more separation between thin and plus size fashion", and the stupidity goes on and on. Here was my response: "OK-
Models were meant to be thin in order to resemble a hanger so the attention is on the clothing not the person wearing them and designers made the collection in 1 size so all the models had to were the same size garment and shoe. That was for the runway only. The average woman wore and still wears a size 16. Even the nude art of yesteryear was of plump women. Somewhere along the lines, the bone-thin, airbrushed model was pinned as the face of feminine beauty thanks to the "sex sells" mantra. from that, women larger than a size 12 are told they are ugly because they are fat which couldn't be further from the truth. The worst part is that the model thin women pretend to be as curvaceous as heavier women. What woman do you know of wears a 0 dress but DD cup bra? Now that Victoria let her secret out, they all seem to be that busty.
Most designers cut off at size 12. A few like Oscar De La Renta and J Crew have a size 16 here and there but the standard cut off is 12. Where does that leave the plus size a.k.a. average woman? The nerve of some of these designers to use models like Tocarra from America's Top Model in the plus size market when she is a size 9! That is still a flat stomach! I need to know what a dress looks like on someone with muffin top or back fat. Don't waste my time having me go shopping to try on a brown dress only to look like a roasted turkey because I have no idea what the cut or style of dress would look like on someone my size. Until designers use models that can't shop Burberry or LaPerla, I think we need our own magazine thank you. I really think the name should be More Beautiful because we are and with bigger boobs."
Who would've said it better than me right?!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Shallow or Cynic?
While net surfing I clicked my address bar for the drop-down of recently viewed sites and noticed one of them was a clothing site (http://www.newportnews.com/) so I visited. Suddenly, I'm checking out Kate Spade for an every-day black leather bag. My husband claimed I was shallow for online window shopping.
Does the desire to shop make me shallow? Just like any other woman, I put the needs of those around me before my own, I work like he does and still carry out domestic duties. To top it off I make sure I have time for my friends and social clubs (not networks) and spend plenty of quality time with my husband daily but because I want to go shopping from time to time I'm shallow? I recycle, donate, pay tithes, go to church, care for others and the environment, garden, play with my cat and volunteer sometimes. Why does wanting to shop make me shallow? Does checking facebook and twitter all day even while working make someone internet addicted or withdrawn? Does playing sports with friends on weekends make someone an athlete? So what if I dream of Michael Kors sportswear while he dreams of nature conservation. That doesn't make me shallow.
Because someone shops or gets excited when browsing doesn't mean they have no depth. Looking on facebook to see if old school mates are still losers is in my opinion. I blog for heaven's sake! My husband spends at least 2 hours on facebook daily I use the computer at home maybe 3 times a week. But I'm shallow? I think not. I'm not on any social network right now and spend most of my time doing things for him. He's on the computer all day and night daily. Looks to me like he doesn't know what shallow is but cynical, he's got down to a "T".
Does the desire to shop make me shallow? Just like any other woman, I put the needs of those around me before my own, I work like he does and still carry out domestic duties. To top it off I make sure I have time for my friends and social clubs (not networks) and spend plenty of quality time with my husband daily but because I want to go shopping from time to time I'm shallow? I recycle, donate, pay tithes, go to church, care for others and the environment, garden, play with my cat and volunteer sometimes. Why does wanting to shop make me shallow? Does checking facebook and twitter all day even while working make someone internet addicted or withdrawn? Does playing sports with friends on weekends make someone an athlete? So what if I dream of Michael Kors sportswear while he dreams of nature conservation. That doesn't make me shallow.
Because someone shops or gets excited when browsing doesn't mean they have no depth. Looking on facebook to see if old school mates are still losers is in my opinion. I blog for heaven's sake! My husband spends at least 2 hours on facebook daily I use the computer at home maybe 3 times a week. But I'm shallow? I think not. I'm not on any social network right now and spend most of my time doing things for him. He's on the computer all day and night daily. Looks to me like he doesn't know what shallow is but cynical, he's got down to a "T".
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Sins Of the Previous Love
You ever have a guy tell you that you are punishing him for something someone else did?
One of my best friends had that conversation with a co-worker. She didn't know how to respond but she knew that wasn't the case. I concur and I'll tell you why.
I often see women react instead of act. There is always an action from their man that causes a reaction. Women analyze things deeply and pay attention to every detail. If your on a date and you phone is on vibrate or silent but you keep getting calls, a woman will think like this: "Only a woman will call back to back like that unless it's an emergency and men don't have emergency calls from anyone other than their mom or child. He keeps ignoring the call so it's not an emergency but someone or woman wants his attention. I know it for a fact because this was the case with 3 other boyfriends and it happened the same exact way". See fellas? When you think they are just jealous or dwelling on the past, its really a matter of you having the same behavior as a previous lover. You're not that guy but you're acting just like him. We aren't as blind as you would like us to be.
When a woman is punishing you for something another man did, it's usually her father not a boyfriend although it does happen that way sometimes and it usually shows in the way of a gold digger. A gold digger is after your money because she watched her father leave her mother penniless and she had to work hard to provide for her children or she had a boyfriend who manipulated her into being a cash cow and abused her emotions and generosity. If you are dating a trophy, this is highly likely.
If you are in a relationship with a lady who suspects you of cheating and you have no time to cheat, your phone isn't always ringing, she already knows your social network and personal friends, etc. yet, you are still a suspect... then you have a different problem. You are giving someone other than her your peak time and inner-most thoughts or something that you don't give to her. If you tell you're mother or a friend everything but keep the conversation with her very vague, you will be a suspect in some cases. Even if you have a therapist you tell it all to but not to her, she will feel you don't trust her and if she feels that way, she will be thinking you trust someone else. Those parts of you belong to her by title alone if nothing else. That's not a punishment - it's a reaction to you withholding parts of yourself, or exuding the attributes of a previous cheater. Be good to each other.
One of my best friends had that conversation with a co-worker. She didn't know how to respond but she knew that wasn't the case. I concur and I'll tell you why.
I often see women react instead of act. There is always an action from their man that causes a reaction. Women analyze things deeply and pay attention to every detail. If your on a date and you phone is on vibrate or silent but you keep getting calls, a woman will think like this: "Only a woman will call back to back like that unless it's an emergency and men don't have emergency calls from anyone other than their mom or child. He keeps ignoring the call so it's not an emergency but someone or woman wants his attention. I know it for a fact because this was the case with 3 other boyfriends and it happened the same exact way". See fellas? When you think they are just jealous or dwelling on the past, its really a matter of you having the same behavior as a previous lover. You're not that guy but you're acting just like him. We aren't as blind as you would like us to be.
When a woman is punishing you for something another man did, it's usually her father not a boyfriend although it does happen that way sometimes and it usually shows in the way of a gold digger. A gold digger is after your money because she watched her father leave her mother penniless and she had to work hard to provide for her children or she had a boyfriend who manipulated her into being a cash cow and abused her emotions and generosity. If you are dating a trophy, this is highly likely.
If you are in a relationship with a lady who suspects you of cheating and you have no time to cheat, your phone isn't always ringing, she already knows your social network and personal friends, etc. yet, you are still a suspect... then you have a different problem. You are giving someone other than her your peak time and inner-most thoughts or something that you don't give to her. If you tell you're mother or a friend everything but keep the conversation with her very vague, you will be a suspect in some cases. Even if you have a therapist you tell it all to but not to her, she will feel you don't trust her and if she feels that way, she will be thinking you trust someone else. Those parts of you belong to her by title alone if nothing else. That's not a punishment - it's a reaction to you withholding parts of yourself, or exuding the attributes of a previous cheater. Be good to each other.
TMI!!
TMI! Or too much information. We all use the phrase. I just watched "I Love You... Man!" I noticed in the movie Zoe tells every single detail of her relationship to her girlfriends and sees nothing wrong with it but has a problem with her fiance telling his newly found best friend 1 simple but important detail about their sex life. What's the problem?
I'm married and find I tell my friends way too much. I even talk about the intimate details that should probably remain between us. That's not good - Especially if its something bad. I owe my husband an apology. If I tell everyone about the wrong he does they will not be so easily to forgive as I because they are not in love with him, I am. They will be more so against him because they feel that he betrayed the trust they had of him being good to me.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I would be furious at him for telling the intimate details of our relationship to his friends. They only have 1 side of the story. That isn't fair. We ladies have a habit of being too open with our friends and not open enough with our men. I feel convicted. Ladies you know your friends will talk. They will tell everyone else. I'll keep more to myself.
I'm married and find I tell my friends way too much. I even talk about the intimate details that should probably remain between us. That's not good - Especially if its something bad. I owe my husband an apology. If I tell everyone about the wrong he does they will not be so easily to forgive as I because they are not in love with him, I am. They will be more so against him because they feel that he betrayed the trust they had of him being good to me.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I would be furious at him for telling the intimate details of our relationship to his friends. They only have 1 side of the story. That isn't fair. We ladies have a habit of being too open with our friends and not open enough with our men. I feel convicted. Ladies you know your friends will talk. They will tell everyone else. I'll keep more to myself.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Difference Between Sex and Making Love
A friend once asked me if I believed there to be a difference between having sex and making love. I answered yes. Now let me clarify:
Having Sex-
When having sex, the first thing I think of is the kinky things. S&M comes to mind. It's planned and deliberate. It makes me take my time to carry out a fantasy and even role play. Dress up in some daunting costume and pretend or act even. It also makes me tease. Its the excitement of the foreplay rather than what comes afterwards that is highlighted.
Fucking-
Sorry you had to see that word Mom. That is when you are sexually frustrated and have loads of pinned up aggression looking to come out. You need to feel your spouse (partner) and you're just in it to finish. No emotional involvement.
Making Love-
This is where the passion comes in. You desire that person because your in love. The fact that eventually you will exert yourself (ejaculate) is irrelevant. You just want to express the inward emotion you feel for this person. You want to physically show your spouse (partner) that you love them. There is romance in the beginning, passion and love in the middle, and pillow talk at the end. You hold each other. Gaze in each other's eyes. You make promises to love that person the same way or even more through eternity. That's the difference. Hope it makes sense to you.
Having Sex-
When having sex, the first thing I think of is the kinky things. S&M comes to mind. It's planned and deliberate. It makes me take my time to carry out a fantasy and even role play. Dress up in some daunting costume and pretend or act even. It also makes me tease. Its the excitement of the foreplay rather than what comes afterwards that is highlighted.
Fucking-
Sorry you had to see that word Mom. That is when you are sexually frustrated and have loads of pinned up aggression looking to come out. You need to feel your spouse (partner) and you're just in it to finish. No emotional involvement.
Making Love-
This is where the passion comes in. You desire that person because your in love. The fact that eventually you will exert yourself (ejaculate) is irrelevant. You just want to express the inward emotion you feel for this person. You want to physically show your spouse (partner) that you love them. There is romance in the beginning, passion and love in the middle, and pillow talk at the end. You hold each other. Gaze in each other's eyes. You make promises to love that person the same way or even more through eternity. That's the difference. Hope it makes sense to you.
Racism and Interracial Love... So it Begins
Let me get a few things off my chest. I'm a black American married to an English British man. We met online years ago the rest is history. If anyone close to me reads this. I want you to know mention of either of our nationality does not have to arise EVERY time we meet or speak. The mention of me being married to a "slave owner", "the MAN", or a pink penis boils my blood.
Also, to my friends that are white or of passingly fair skin- I do NOT consider myself African American. I consider myself black. To me, an African American is an immigrant from Africa with a green card. I was born here. Black represents the unknown. There was much slavery on both sides of my family and loads of interracial breeding. The most immediate known race on my mother's side is Iroquois! I'm too mixed up to know exactly what I am. I just easily associate with African to the eye because of my skin tone. My hair texture differs from the average west African. I'm lots of things but I am a legal native born American. Call me black if you must put me in a box.
Now, why did I marry a white man? I married him because he stuck around long enough to love me genuinely and make me a priority. I am a plus size diva with big boobs and a generally flat butt. Most black men pay me no attention and ask me about my sister who does have a big round butt. Most black men go for big booties not breast. When my husband and I walk down the street together it shocks people. My neighbor's little son loves me but is encouraged to stay away from me just as often as his father sees me with my husband. Why? He is a man who loves me and just happens to be white.
To the black men... Where were you when I was single? Oh- I remember- you were either making insulting jokes behind me as if I can't hear you or asking me for my sister's number! Did I want you? I did. All the men with jobs and no need to ask me for my money were after a trophy or wouldn't go on a date with me but would secretly sleep with me when bored.
I've always been told it was because I'm fat but I doubt it. I've seen plenty of big ladies twice my size with sexy men. The only ones that wanted me were ones who needed some kind of help. My black girlfriends would say I don't go to the right places to find men. Well I don't go to the hood to look for them. Most of the club attention was from other women and on the street and in the stores the men were twice my age at least. I don't want a man who's children are my age. Don't act shocked when you see me with my white man. Just remember 1 man's trash is another man's treasure. Someone loved me- just not you.
To my sisters... Don't hate! I'm not with him because he pays the bills. Truth be told, we split the rent and phone/Internet. We share them. I'm not a housewife yet. Its not so we can have pretty babies either. I could make a pretty baby with anyone. I have good genes. We all come out with curly hair, no acne, and muscles. We're built that way. Just know I got tired of loaning money I never get back and never being taken on a date because I'm not music video "phat". I'm with a white man because the conversation was good and the attitude was genuine on both ends.
To my family and closest friends... I really don't want to hear your racial comments. Especially you! I have to face the rest of the world. Why should I not expect comfort from you? You should be my safe haven. Saying things racial makes both of us uncomfortable, not just him.I didn't attack you with gay comments when you were confused. I kept my opinions to myself about gay relationships. Remember Aaron and Marian were stricken with leprosy when they spoke against Moses' Ethiopian wife. He could do the same to you.
To everyone in the world... Love is blind. It has no idea that people war over black and white. It just hits you. It isn't important! The only thing that is important is that you love each other and put each other 1st after God only also that you work hard to stay together because life is 4 times harder without someone to have your back.
Also, to my friends that are white or of passingly fair skin- I do NOT consider myself African American. I consider myself black. To me, an African American is an immigrant from Africa with a green card. I was born here. Black represents the unknown. There was much slavery on both sides of my family and loads of interracial breeding. The most immediate known race on my mother's side is Iroquois! I'm too mixed up to know exactly what I am. I just easily associate with African to the eye because of my skin tone. My hair texture differs from the average west African. I'm lots of things but I am a legal native born American. Call me black if you must put me in a box.
Now, why did I marry a white man? I married him because he stuck around long enough to love me genuinely and make me a priority. I am a plus size diva with big boobs and a generally flat butt. Most black men pay me no attention and ask me about my sister who does have a big round butt. Most black men go for big booties not breast. When my husband and I walk down the street together it shocks people. My neighbor's little son loves me but is encouraged to stay away from me just as often as his father sees me with my husband. Why? He is a man who loves me and just happens to be white.
To the black men... Where were you when I was single? Oh- I remember- you were either making insulting jokes behind me as if I can't hear you or asking me for my sister's number! Did I want you? I did. All the men with jobs and no need to ask me for my money were after a trophy or wouldn't go on a date with me but would secretly sleep with me when bored.
I've always been told it was because I'm fat but I doubt it. I've seen plenty of big ladies twice my size with sexy men. The only ones that wanted me were ones who needed some kind of help. My black girlfriends would say I don't go to the right places to find men. Well I don't go to the hood to look for them. Most of the club attention was from other women and on the street and in the stores the men were twice my age at least. I don't want a man who's children are my age. Don't act shocked when you see me with my white man. Just remember 1 man's trash is another man's treasure. Someone loved me- just not you.
To my sisters... Don't hate! I'm not with him because he pays the bills. Truth be told, we split the rent and phone/Internet. We share them. I'm not a housewife yet. Its not so we can have pretty babies either. I could make a pretty baby with anyone. I have good genes. We all come out with curly hair, no acne, and muscles. We're built that way. Just know I got tired of loaning money I never get back and never being taken on a date because I'm not music video "phat". I'm with a white man because the conversation was good and the attitude was genuine on both ends.
To my family and closest friends... I really don't want to hear your racial comments. Especially you! I have to face the rest of the world. Why should I not expect comfort from you? You should be my safe haven. Saying things racial makes both of us uncomfortable, not just him.I didn't attack you with gay comments when you were confused. I kept my opinions to myself about gay relationships. Remember Aaron and Marian were stricken with leprosy when they spoke against Moses' Ethiopian wife. He could do the same to you.
To everyone in the world... Love is blind. It has no idea that people war over black and white. It just hits you. It isn't important! The only thing that is important is that you love each other and put each other 1st after God only also that you work hard to stay together because life is 4 times harder without someone to have your back.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
2 Become 1
On December 10Th 2009 I became Mrs Pollard. It was quick, private, and still romantic. So many didn't come. It was at night in the prayer room of my home church. I couldn't stop smiling and my best friend Jenean cried. We were nervous and more so looking forward the the wedding night. I wore a very cute black and champagne cocktail dress and peep toe heels. Size 3 of course (in Torrid plus sizes lol). Here's a picture. It was a happy day. I'll always think of that evening as a night of awe.
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